Thoughts Untold by SJS

For the years that I am existing in this world, been through ups and downs, twists and turns… there are things I never failed and stopped doing… one of those it’s writing.

I write when I’m sad, when I’m happy,  when I am bothered or afraid. I write of what my heart and mind speaks which mostly I can’t express. Writing has been my outlet. Pen and paper has been my bestfriends.

I started this blog atlast, to share and explore more on what’s behind OUR untold thoughts. By carelessness, I misplaced or better yet say I didn’t kept some of my writings so my friends read it and they told me it’s inspiring and it were brave thoughts.

So… I wish, through expressing my thoughts and playing with my creativity and imagination, I WILL BE ABLE TO INSPIRE others. 

Inspiring,

SJS

….

There will me grammar elapses for sure, haha so please pardon me and I do accept corrections or suggestions for improvements.

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A Letter To Him

It’s been awhile since I published something here, and so does my invitation for my fellow to send their thoughts. Here is the first I want to share: (A raw, exact message of a girl to the man she love)

Wow… is this the feeling?
As I remember, I was the one who is chased by men. They seek for my attention but I just ignored them. I don’t think I am that beautiful for them to be serious to me. All I put on my mind was they just wanted to play me. I ignored them.. pushed them away so eventually they left.
Now, I am the one who’s doing it. I am seeking your attention… trying to bring things back. 
Baby, I never asked God to meet someone like you. I already told to myself I would focus on making people around me happy. I would forget about myself ’cause I have no hope for being happy for my personal life. I love helping people but I can’t help myself. I make people smile and laugh but deep inside I was crying. I was used to hide my feelings. I am not expressive. There’s a part of me that wants to to be selfish, to think only of myself, my happiness, my dreams… but I had no guts. I am so afraid of things. 
Then I met you. I was so happy with you. I was so comfortable with you.No one cares for me as you do. I’ve never thought I could be happy as I was. You showed me the real world. You made me realized things. 
As day passed by, I begun to feel the fear again. Fear of losing you. Losing a great friend like you. I don’t want you to leave me. But I didn’t realized, for focusing too much on that thought I was pushing you away. I built my insecurities, my fear. 
Baby, I don’t want to lose a friend like you. I know how stupid I was not to value your time. I am really sorry for that. Please don’t get tired of me. Could you please stay? Don’t leave me my friend.

youkeepmyheartdoyou

That “I THOUGHT” Struggle Is Real

Let me write about how my son Kingkong get over his minor surgery today.

When I woke up about 8:30 in the morning, I saw him dressed up. Then I heard from my aunt that they are going out. So they did. When they were back home around 12 nn, we still had some chat and eating the food they bought for us. Then I get up to prepare to go to the office and fix some papers of  my client. (Insurance related)

When I was in the bathroom, he came in to make poo poo then eventually wanted to take a bath. Until I saw him slipped on the floor, his head bumped on the toilet bowl. He started crying. (It often happens especially when he makes bubbles out of the soap) I laughed and told him to get up! He cried harder. SO I helped him then saw his blood all over his face down to his neck. He’s getting hysterical, he is afraid of blood.

I checked the wound. It’s kinda deep and wide open, right between his right eyelid and eyebrow. First thing came to my mind was to stop the bleeding. I need to stop the beeding and avoid the blood to get into his eyes. I grabbed a clean cloth to place onto the wound and pressed harder to stop the bleeding. Then carried him upstairs, no clothes bes, while calling for aunt shouting, “anglaki ng sugat ni King ante!”. She hurriedly came and helped me to do some first aid procedures to clean the wound and put a handkerchief (it should be a bandage, or a triangular napkin to be used. I only have bandage but not handy so I get the handkerchief).

After placing the hankerchief, there he is. Seems like nothing happened and even got the nerve to dance and jump while watching his movie he calls “princess” — Trolls! haha He was even more excited when he saw us preparing to go out (bring him to the emergency) Oh man, he hurriedly wore his shorts and shoes and said “tara na” (let’s go). I was like.. ughhh.. should I laugh or cry? haha

At the hospital, doctors and nurses immediately assisted us. Feels like it’s a big big risk! I felt nervous with that… but NO! I must stay calm! So I courteously asked, Doc, what would be the possible prodedures? They explained to us and gave us options.

While waiting, King started running around the emergency again, In and out of the comfortroom. Yes, he like the CR tsk tsk tsk haha
The wound was 2mm deep and 1.5 inches. Oh man, he had four stitches.

Can you imagine yourself holding your son on the head while the two nurses and doctors were holding his body while the doctor was doing the procedure? Can you endure seeinng the blood of your son flowing through his face? Can you stand watching and hearing your son screaming for pain saying “no, no, stop, pleaaaaase”?

Well, maybe you could because I did but I’m pretty sure you don’t want to go that far.

What I am grateful of?

I am so grateful that it is just what happened to my son. I mean, nothing so serious or critical. Grateful I am for having the knowledge and confident giving him first aid, if I didn’t I don’t know who could help us immediately. And so soooo grateful that my son is brave enough for it.

My regrets

This is what have been bothering me since he got wounded.

I, his mother, a licensed Financial Advisor didn’t gave him enough coverage. I should have been no hesitation of bringing him to any of the best hospitals in the city if his coverage was enough. He is insured. Yes, he also is covered with my PhilHealth but it can’t be use in the ER, unless he will be confined. I am just thankful that I have saved some peny and won’t make utang again… and for having a supportive family. It is only today that I truly understand what it is meant by underinsured.

Lesson Learned

Being a single mom is never easy, NEVER! But there is NO excuse for not being the best parent we could be for our kids. We have to equip and educate ourselves to give the life we want for our kids.

Like those simple first aid procedures which I learned when I was on my Junior high 🙂 (Thanks, dear Alma Mater).

We have to be  prepared on whatever the circumstances may bring. Accident  happens anytime, either when we are watching them or not.

Do you have experienced  like this as a mom/parent?

Let us hear from you too. Share your story here!

Just Do It!

Was there a time in your life when you were asked to do something but you were afraid you cannot do it and fail?

Richard Branson once said, “If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later!”
The Nike brand tagline also says, “Just do it.”

You might tell me, “Sarah, it is not easy!” Yes, it is not easy but let me state the not-so-obvious:

1. They trusts you. Admit it. Not everyone in this life will be given a chance like you. And if this is an amazing opportunity, the person who’s offering you trusts you and believes in you that you CAN do it… so should you (anak) haha

2. They see you. They don’t just see you as a person, as an object but they see greatness in you. They see that immense potential in you. You may not clearly know what it is now… be patience with yourself and trust that small part of you shouting “I CAN DO IT!”

On my part, everytime I am given a chance- the first thing comes to my mind are the worst cases scenarios and in few moments… I mostly say, “SURE, why not? Let see what I can.”

 

How about you, what do you do when given an amazing oppotunity? Comment below and share some thoughts and tips!

To My Papa

My father is not the typical father or most of our fathers are like.
When I was little, I remember him teaching me: draw – I still remember that specific moment wherein he was teaching to sketch a snake that is circling itself in a trunk. When I got older up to now, tried doing it but I can’t do it anymore haha (I was a good artist back then)

He is the best father I’ve ever known. He was my first teache.

What I love about him the most?

That is, he is my father and no one can change that.

As we grow up, we are thought that it is bad/wrong to answer back or give reason when the elders or our parents is scolding us. I remember this friend of mine when her father asked her why she has failed grades… when she answered and about to explain, her father got mad and said how dare is she to answer back! My father doesn’t do that hehe

When I was a junior high, my grades were getting low and my rank on the class achievers went to fourth place from the usual first place. At the dining table, he called me. I saw him holding my card and so I started crying—because of fear. Fear that he will scold me, that he gets mad at me but he didn’t. He asked me why am I crying? I didn’t answer. What is happening to you, he continued. I didn’t answer again. “Sarah, I am talking with you so, answer me”. I cried with relief.

Since then, I told myself that my voice matter. That I should be heard and learn to listen to others too.

And I think that is one of the most important things one child must know. That WE MATTER. Our voice are important too.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads and has a role like a dad. 

Papa, thank you so much for everything. 

Good Thing: He Made Me Cry 

Today, I want to tell you about my bestfriend. And no, I will not build his image to you… you might want to steal him from me 😉 haha jk

Exactly two years ago, I met this guy who really changed my life.

You want to know about it? Keep reading 😀

 

My Not So Ala Cinderella Story

 

I was at the worst, worst, worst part of my life… like no dreams (forgotten at least), no more hope, no more self-love, self respect… name them! I totally forgot and neglected myself.

Then once upon a time, on the busy evening before the clock turns to 12:00 AM, I got a message saying, “Hey, Sarah! This is blah from blah blah. Just arrived in Makati. Would you like to have some coffee”? I was like who the hell is this and how did he get my number? Coffee in the middle of the night?! But guess what… I did met him 😁

I wasn’t used to meeting anyone, especially those pipz online, it’s actually my first time! I can hear my heart pounding like digidig-digidig! I was so nervous!  When the door opens, there he was with a big sweetest smile with a “Hello! Nice meeting you, Sarah” and oh my! We’re making beso! 😂 ang arte bes😅 So we spent the night talking, dancing few steps of salsa, and yeah… me drama… I mean crying, literally. And that was like after years of my life, I felt rested.
What made me cry? 

He simply asked me the simple question: How do you see yourself in five from now? I got no answer… as in zero. What would it be? I got no plans. Yeah… he got me there 😭😭

I didn’t saw that coming. Meeting a guy for the first time and he will ask you that question? Sounds like a job interview haha How about you, do you have an answer to that now? 

I don’t want to make this long so I will reserve the rest of the story on my next blog. I hope that you too have met the  catalyst of your life.

Always,

SJS

Better Than Perfect, Reflection by SJS

**Reflection**
This thing called life comes with a situation that we have to make choices. Whethere or not, we make a choice, we will still be judged by people who wouldn’t even care but judging others. (So don’t waste time thinking about them). 

And so what now? Choose the things that would really make you happy. 
We wanted a perfect life. Who don’t want it anyway?

We’re working so hard to have it. Sacrificed everything that we have to but it seems we still can’t have it perdect. We are too carried away with those perfect dreams we have in mind to forget ourselves and even appreciate what we have. 

What we have right now is enough to start with. 

There are more important things that we have or we should have that is better than perfect. 
WHATEVER WE CHOOSE, THE EARTH WILL  STILL CONTINUE ROTATING AROUND THE SUN. 
I was too bored to have read this book in less than a day. (I usually read this kind in days or week)😁
Always, 

SJS ❤

“I Am Not What They Think I am”

TODAY,  I’ve witnessed so much ways of “acts of kindness” and known how life turns upside down.

When I gave birth to my first at a very young age while in college, I was in the “hot seat”. I am the “hot topic” of every group or two even when they were working. For them, I was a big failure, bad influence, and shouldn’t be an example to every youth. 
My mother comes home thinking twice if she could tell me those, with sadness and pain in her eyes. My father was quietly playing my daughter. I’ve seen how my sisters affected of me being a teenager mom. They were judged that they will follow what I did. I’ve accepted every words… crying everyday but I told myself “I am not what they think I am”.  And so, when I was given a chance to get out of the place… I did. 

To my surprise,  when our relatives visited us today. I’ve learned that almost all of those who “crucified” me for my “mistakes”, there kids did the same and even worse than what I have been through.  

That made me realized that:
1. They wasted time. Yes, they wasted their time watching me and judging me and talking about me instead of looking after their kids. They should’ve spent it educating them which is which.
2. We don’t know what’s ahead of us. We have all our timezones. It may not their time yet which was my time… and now it’s theirs.  So instead of pulling each other’s down, we should lift each other up.
3. There’s is no permanent in this world. Never stop dreaming and moving forward. Good times  may pass and so shall bad times. 
4. Respect each other. We are not in a position to judge someone over the things we see and know. We doesn’t  really know what’s the reason behind and definitely doesn’t want others to judge us too.
I am thankful to God, to my family and friends for being with me in the process.

His Love Protects Me From Him

I am the happiest when I’m with him. I feel I’m  the most beautiful of all… I know… of all people told me that (I am pretty), I felt insulted but when it came out from his mouth… I believed I am beautiful inside out.

There’s no enough words to describe how it feels being with him. I always grow, know myself more and love every little insecurities that I have.

I feel safe… yes, it felt safe around him. Being hold and hug so tight by his reassuring and comforting arms is my favorite. Then sleep while my head is on his chest listening to his heartbeat or simply my head on his arms and nose to his underarms.. 🙂 haha I love it!

Until one day, I noticed he was keeping distance to me. I assumed and believed of what he said that he’s busy.. I really hope he really was…

I woke up one day that I didn’t know him anymore. No more deep talks and only me who was trying to keep the connection.  I was afraid and angry that I might lose him… that he will leave me. Then it happened, he found someone else. He left me.

He left me because he’s protecting me. He’s protecting me from him. And only him knows the why.
He’s loving me the best way he knows… and I love him too.

Why I love the “Beauty And The Beast”?

Today, it sounds like so impossible and more like a fantasy. 

Now I know why I love this movie so much. Why I keep on believing someone to change (I won’t change the person) to find his way back to who he really is… the better him. 
Now I know why I keep on believing that there is always something good in a person despite of all the rumors or even bad truth about him.
Now I know why I keep on looking for the reason why a person doing such things to better understand him than judging him.
Yes I do. Because that person once were me.. and it could be you too. 
Tell me, didn’t you ever did something wrong with your whole life? Who was there for you? Do you really the know truth or the whole story? Or just the ”truth” that he/others told you? Do you know where he’s coming from? If you were on his shoes, what WORST can you do? 
This person you’re saying a beast, bad person, irresponsible blah blah whatever you call needs to feel loved, supported, cared… he deserves all the best like you.. he doesn’t need anymore hate and judgement. 
Yes.. there’s always good with everything.  As everything happens for a reason. We may not know the reason now and it really is impossible and unacceptable to even think that there is something good at worst times but… BELIEVE! Someday soon, you’ll find out why. 
Have faith!

Always,  

SJS
#LoveUnconditionally

Credit to the owner of the photo

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